SVU and a Pile of Poo
Years of watching SVU have taught me to fear white vans. Only plumbers and creepy people buy white vans. White vans are what those creepy people use to snatch innocent women off the street and take them to the forest, where they release them and hunt them down like deer. Funny thing -- my horse seems to share this fear of mine. We can be having a lovely ride, if a white van passes, Juneau is off for the hills with me hanging on for dear life. I know -- it’s probably me. I probably tense up when I see a white van and he responds to my fear. But, it has happened so often that, big white boxes with wheels are now, in fact, scary as shit to us both. But wait, what color is our new horse trailer? Well, it’s white. It’s clear, before I can get my boy into this thing, I either need to paint or totally ‘un-booger’ it.
For the past month, instead of exploring all the trails I’ve wanted to try but couldn’t reach, I’ve been staying put with the trailer parked just across the pasture fence from where I feed hay. And, it seems to have worked. I can now tie Juneau to the side of the trailer to groom and then ride him in circles around it. He still flips out if a white van passes us on the road, but THIS big white box with wheels is okay.
I’ve given myself patience points for having taken the time to do this. So, why is he now standing with his legs locked and nostrils quivering when I walk him on to the ramp at the back of the trailer? This is a horse that crosses narrow footbridges, which are a lot scarier than this ramp. This is a horse that has loaded in other people’s trailers. Why not this one? And, what is it with those nostrils? I mean, I’ve seen horses blow when they’re tense, but this is like Pranayama breathing in a yoga class for asthmatics.
Let’s try Izzy. She’s a dumby. She doesn’t over think stuff. She’ll follow me into this lovely new trailer. Sure, she’s not in my plan for the cross-country trip, but Juneau will follow her anywhere since she’s kind of his girlfriend/mom – don’t worry about it, that’s an acceptable kind of attachment between horses. What the hell, Izzy? You too with the Pranayama breathing?
Why do you guys hate this brand-new trailer we got for you? I promise – nothing bad has ever happened in this trailer. It even smells like ‘new car.’ Wait … Could that be it? Is it that this trailer smells like metal and rubber and electrical work, not horses. Unfortunately, I don’t think those little pine tree car fresheners come in ‘barnyard.’ Crap, Crap, Crap! Hey! Maybe, that’s it! Crap!
Fifteen minutes and a wheelbarrow of manure spread around our beautifully clean, brand-new trailer later, Juneau and his girlfriend/mom, Izzy, are in the creepy big white thing with wheels!